Not My Time

About a moth ago, I had an IUD installed put in. If you don’t know what an IUD is see this. I decided that it was a good choice for me. Mainly because I cannot be trusted to remember to take a pill at the same time every day. I have so much going on all the time that I’ve decided to simplify as much as possible. Plus, when you look at the total cost – $40 for 5 years worth of birth control vs. $800 with the pill, it seemed like a good idea.

I’ll spare you the details of the process. If you have to ask about it, I’m sure you won’t want to know.

My problem? I was barely able to keep myself from crying after I had it put in. Getting this makes it very real to me that I won’t be having another baby any time soon. I have had the “baby fever” for a couple years now. Had my life gone as planned. I’d have two kids by now, and possibly another one on the way (or at least anticipated). But my life hasn’t gone as planned.

Deep down, when I was in my early twenties, I had an inkling that I’d end up a single mother. I didn’t want to, it was just a feeling. Now I am one. And it’s not easy.

Every time that I’m around a baby, or see families that have a couple children (especially where one is a little girl) my insides knot up and I have to make an effort to keep from letting it effect me outwardly.

I know that my time will come. I know that I will eventually get the little girl I’ve always wanted. But it’s hard to keep that in mind when my heart aches. (An ache that is made worse every other weekend and once a week when my son is not at home with me.)

Hopefully, I’ll have a reason to have the IUD removed before the 5 years is up. That’s the comforting thought that I try to keep with me.

Trial of the Century

I know that many people throughout the country have been following the Casey Anthony fiasco trial. I did not follow the trial on TV. I did watch some of the jury selection on TV, but that was about it. I did follow updates on Twitter so I could at least stay in the loop. Of course, being an attorney, and a prosecutor at that, many people, and I do mean many people asked me my opinion. I based my opinion largely on what I heard through tweets and from gossip other reliable sources. Basically, that it was a circus and there was a good chance that a guilty verdict would be overturned based on ineffective assistance of counsel (read: Baez). Here is a little perspective. Jose Baez has been a member of the Florida Bar for less than six, yes, six, years. Less than three years longer than I have. That doesn’t necessarily mean anything, however, just a little food for thought.

Yesterday, my step-father showed me the portion of the testimony that dealt with the grief counselor. Immediately, I fell in law-nerd-love with Jeff Ashton. “What a phenomenal prosecutor,” I thought to myself, and out loud, to anyone that I spoke to. Man, what had I been missing? Not that I’m going to go back and try to watch all six weeks worth of the trial. I don’t have enough time for that. However, I was rather excited about closing arguments today.

Closing arguments are my favorite part of the trial. It’s the only time that an attorney gets to argue (in front of the jury, at least). It’s my favorite part to do and my favorite part to watch. So, I sacrificed my entire Sunday to watching the Casey Anthony Trial Closing Arguments. Much to the chagrin of those of you who follow me on Twitter. (You know you wanted to follow my live tweets all day – my opinion is so entertaining.)

I am still in law-nerd-love with Jeff Ashton. I thought that was the best closing I’d ever seen. I have less than favorable opinions about Jose Baez, however. Didn’t like the arguments or the presentation. I was quite bummed that the State’s rebuttal argument got pushed to tomorrow morning. (Rest assured I will be watching and live tweeting again – I know you were concerned you’d be without my opinion all morning.)

I have heard this referred to as the Trial of the Century and it is being compared to the OJ Simpson trial. While we are in the 11th year of the century, I guess that is an accurate label. No doubt it will be eclipsed at some point. For those of you who have no idea what I am talking about, remove the rock from your cozy land of denial and Google “Casey Anthony.” Enlighten yourself.

Brief Synopsis: 22 year old mom is accused of killing her two year old daughter. Mom concocted elaborate lies for a whole month regarding the baby’s whereabouts before her “disappearance” was reported to law enforcement. Mom’s trunk smelled like death. Body found in the swamp. Mom was out partying and getting a highly inappropriate tattoo during the month that her daughter was “missing.”

Highly inappropriate tattoo: “La Bella Vita” (The Beautiful Life) is highly inappropriate because she got it after she killed her daughter (or, if you buy her story, during the period of time she was covering up the accidental death and deliberate disposal of her two year old daughter).

The trial was very sensationalized and the story was a great one. We talked about it in our office, among ourselves, and among the defense attorney that we worked closely with. For those of us that truly enjoy being trial lawyers, the whole country got to follow along with and see what we love about our jobs.

All that being said. The defense is complete bull shit. No completely innocent mother would behave the way that Casey Anthony did int hat month following the death of poor little Caylee. Bullshit. I call shenanigans on the whole defense. She is guilty. It’s completely obvious.

My prediction is that the jury will come back guilty, but of a lesser offense than 1st Degree Murder. My mind may change after the State’s rebuttal tomorrow morning, but right now I’m holding firm to that prediction.

I’m fine, not sick at all.

I tend to ignore the fact that I am sick. I push warning signs of illness out of my head, and convince myself that I’m fine, it must be all in my head. I can’t possibly be the only person who does this. That being said, I don’t ignore anything where it concerns my son. [...]

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Le Sigh

I’m not terribly good at the whole write-about-personal-stuff-and-remain-detached thing. Also, not too sure how to do it without sounding rather whiney. But, I’ll try, and if it’s an epic failure, then it’s probably good I don’t have that many readers. I miss my baby. The hardest thing about this (almost) divorce thing, is the time [...]

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Thanks for Sharing

It's so sad your heart just breaks.

As I look around me I see a sea of white fluffy piles. ‘Tis the season, and all that jazz. However, I will, at some point, run out of tissues. Littleman was sick for 4 straight weeks. Not just a runny nose & a bit of a cough. Oh no. Fevers combined with weekly doctor [...]

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La Mia Famiglia Pazza

Family. For me, family has always been more than just flesh and blood relatives. I have a stepmother, stepfather, stepsister, stepbrother & a half-sister. Not to mention all the extended step-family that comes along with two remarried parents. That’s not even counting the in-laws. But that’s not what I’ve brought you here to talk about. [...]

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