In the wise words of Christina Aguilera, “I am beautiful, in every single way…”
But sometimes, just sometimes, I need to hear it.
Self-esteem, self-confidence, self-assurance. These are all things that I have. In abundance. Too much at times. Beauty. I have that too. While I could stand to lose 60 pounds, I know that I’m pretty. I know that I am attractive. I carry myself in a way that shows that.
I still want to hear it every now and again.
I think this is a woman thing. While I’m not about to speak for my gender as a whole, I can speak for myself and the observations I have made over my 29 years. Women are terribly insecure by nature. Just look at the thinnest, most attractive woman that you know. I’m willing to bet that she has several complaints about her thighs, breasts, hear, skin…you name it. And those complaints lessen her attractiveness in her own estimation. Does she focus on all the good things. Not likely. She may flaunt them when it counts (I’m totally guilty of that on occasion, I’m not even going to lie) but they’re not enough to keep the flaws and imperfections from ruining her opinion of herself.
I have learned to focus on the positive and put those flaws on the back burner. What do I have? I have beautiful, big eyes that change from blue to green to gray depending on what I’m wearing. I have great hair. It is very pretty when it is straight (see above), and it’s gorgeous when it is curly:
I have great skin. A nice figure. And I usually smell pretty good. And those are just the physical things that are great about me.
So what’s the problem? If I know that I’m so great, why do I need to be told? I don’t know the answer to that. Maybe it’s the same mechanism that makes my toddler need to be told his drawing is nice. People like compliments. Take job satisfaction for instance. People who are complimented by their employers when they do good stuff are likely to have higher job satisfaction than people who only get negative comments. (I’m pretty sure that during my time as a psych major I heard an actual statistic that sounded like that – so that’s what I’m basing my last comment on – that and common sense.) So, is it wrong that I want to be complimented on my appearance, especially when I put effort into it? My gut is telling me that’s not wrong. And I need to hear it. I’ve even stooped so low as to teach my two year old to say “Mommy’s a pretty girl.” In my defense, it is super cute when he says it.
And now a question to all you ladies out there, when is the last time someone told you that you were beautiful? Not, “that’s a beautiful dress,” or “your hair is beautiful today.” But simply, “You are beautiful.” I can’t remember the last time I was told that. And to add insult to injury. Not only do I want to hear it, but I want whoever says it to actually mean it. Now I may be asking too much.