About a moth ago, I had an IUD installed put in. If you don’t know what an IUD is see this. I decided that it was a good choice for me. Mainly because I cannot be trusted to remember to take a pill at the same time every day. I have so much going on all the time that I’ve decided to simplify as much as possible. Plus, when you look at the total cost – $40 for 5 years worth of birth control vs. $800 with the pill, it seemed like a good idea.
I’ll spare you the details of the process. If you have to ask about it, I’m sure you won’t want to know.
My problem? I was barely able to keep myself from crying after I had it put in. Getting this makes it very real to me that I won’t be having another baby any time soon. I have had the “baby fever” for a couple years now. Had my life gone as planned. I’d have two kids by now, and possibly another one on the way (or at least anticipated). But my life hasn’t gone as planned.
Deep down, when I was in my early twenties, I had an inkling that I’d end up a single mother. I didn’t want to, it was just a feeling. Now I am one. And it’s not easy.
Every time that I’m around a baby, or see families that have a couple children (especially where one is a little girl) my insides knot up and I have to make an effort to keep from letting it effect me outwardly.
I know that my time will come. I know that I will eventually get the little girl I’ve always wanted. But it’s hard to keep that in mind when my heart aches. (An ache that is made worse every other weekend and once a week when my son is not at home with me.)
Hopefully, I’ll have a reason to have the IUD removed before the 5 years is up. That’s the comforting thought that I try to keep with me.